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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

People my age are doing so much, and I’m just at home reliving the same day over and over again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Trending via Twitch:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Making waves on Instagram:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Just landed via WeChat:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Trending via WeChat:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

Funny catching quotes

Funny catching quotes 😂 are the perfect way to brighten your day and crack a smile instantly! Whether you need a quick laugh or a witty comeback, these gems 🎯 grab your attention and stick with you. Ready to boost your mood and share some chuckles? Let’s dive into a world of humor that’s as catchy as your favorite tune 🎶!

New funny catching quotes 👇

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

1 month ago

again, alive, catching, ever, glad, humor, i, just, kiss, life, morning, next, person, relationship, sleeping, train, wake, wake up
When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

1 month ago

catching, clumsiness, competition, dropping, event, humor, me, Olympics, phone, shine, sport
Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

1 month ago

catching, elusive, ghost, humor, i, me, move, movement, person, personality, rare

All funny catching quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on YouTube this month:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I regret to inform you all that I just plan on getting hotter and weirder.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,401

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Broadcasted on X:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Spotted on Slack:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Going viral on X:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

Just shared via Instagram:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Just landed via Messenger:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Going viral on Instagram:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

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