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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Just shared via Snapchat:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Just landed via WeChat:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Reported on Snapchat:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Live now on WhatsApp:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Going viral on TikTok:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Reported on Reddit:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Shared recently on Twitch:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

797 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,959

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,959

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,430

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Trending via YouTube:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Trending via WeChat:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Spotted on Slack:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Trending via Threads:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Just shared via Threads:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Going viral on Telegram:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Making waves on Reddit:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Spotted on WeChat:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

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