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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My middle finger salutes you.

Just landed via Messenger:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

Going bananas on TikTok:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Shared recently on Threads:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Shared recently on Slack:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Spotted on Telegram:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Funny double standard quotes

New funny double standard quotes 👇

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

0

2 months ago

causing, causing scene, comparison, double, double standard, Hulk, humor, i, incredible, leave, need, place, scene, shit, standard, wreck

Someone from 🇧🇾 has recently shared this quote.

67 shares on Threads this month.
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad guy, comedian, double, double standard, free, good, guy, hear, humor, i, money, offensive, pay, say, something, standard

Someone from 🇼🇸 has recently bookmarked this quote.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month.

All funny double standard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Messenger this month:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

63 shares on Threads this month:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

21 shares on X this month:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

81 shares on X this month:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Just shared via TikTok:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Going bananas on Slack:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Just shared via X:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Trending via Discord:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Spotted on Twitch:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny double standard quotes

New funny double standard quotes 👇

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

All funny double standard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨