Commentary:
"New Year's resolutions are like a stray hair – you pluck it out and it just comes back for more! 🙈 Here's to making resolutions that stick like glitter on a New Year's Eve outfit! 🎉✨"
35 Funny goal quotes
One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between ambition and practicality. Who needs grandiose dreams when you can master the art of eating without making a mess? Baby steps towards greatness, my friend, baby steps."
My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the perfect balance of productivity and procrastination 🎉😅 Here's to a year of hopeful intentions and inevitable distractions! #NewYearSameMe"
Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.
Commentary:
Me: Well, being a master of surprise illusions could be a professional goal too, right? 🎩✨ Who wouldn't want to perform the disappearing act in style, even during job interviews? 😂🚌 #MagicGoals
My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.
Commentary:
"Seppuku? Ain't nobody got time for that! 🙅♂️ Let's aim for a life goal that doesn't involve sharp objects or ceremonial self-disembowelment, shall we? 😂 #GoalsWithoutGore"
My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.
Commentary:
🤣 "My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes… because who needs arm mobility anyway, right? 💪👚 #priorities"
My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.
Commentary:
"Watch out world, this year I'm not only reaching for the stars, but also making sure the extraterrestrials have my back 👽🚀 Who knows, maybe they'll invite me for a ride on their spaceship! #TeamAlien"
I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.
Commentary:
Surviving November: the only extreme sport where my coach is my coffee mug! ☕️😂
My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.
Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive big bag of money in the woods 🌳💰 The ultimate treasure hunt for aspiring financial wizards! Who needs a glass ceiling when you can have a leafy canopy overhead? Here's to forging your own path to fiscal fortune, one forest escapade at a time! 🌲🔍 #MoneyTrees #ForestRiches"
My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.
Commentary:
"Ah, the noble pursuit of ensuring your future in politics remains at a safe distance! 🙅♂️ Who needs power and responsibility anyway when you can just focus on making questionable life choices instead? 🤪⚡️ #AntiCampaignPromise"