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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,464

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Freshly posted on X:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Spotted on Discord:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Just landed via WeChat:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Funny grandpa quotes

Funny grandpa quotes bring a smile 😄 and a chuckle 🤣 to anyone lucky enough to hear them! These witty gems capture the charm, wisdom, and hilarious quirks of grandpas everywhere 👴✨. Whether they’re teasing, sharing life lessons, or just being their lovable selves, grandpa’s humor is pure gold 🏆. Get ready to laugh out loud and appreciate the timeless joy only grandpas can deliver! 🎉💬

New funny grandpa quotes 👇

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

3 weeks ago

dog, family, grandpa, humor, joke, loud, nickname, pet, snore
Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.

1 month ago

brother, died, excuse, fish, friend, friends, grandpa, grandson, humor, i, mother, sister, sorry, today, tragedy, uncle
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

1 month ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman

All funny grandpa quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people still fail to understand that the boot still has no problem crushing you, even if you lick it clean.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

16 shares on YouTube this month:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

80 shares on Discord this month:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Going viral on TikTok:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Just landed via Telegram:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Making waves on Reddit:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

Trending via Pinterest:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

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