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My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

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I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

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“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

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A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

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My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

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Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

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I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

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I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

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I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

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Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

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17,241

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15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Spotted on Threads:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Going viral on Twitch:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.

Going viral on X:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Making waves on Threads:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Breaking via Reddit:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Making waves on TikTok:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Home » Funny January 1st Quotes

Funny January 1st quotes

New funny January 1st quotes 👇

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

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4 weeks ago

1st, 24th, before, calendar, Christmas, date, December, December 24th, festive, festive season, holiday, humor, January, January 1st, just, means, new, new year, nightmare, season, The Nightmare Before Christmas, year

All funny January 1st quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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36 shares on TikTok this month:

Weirdos gonna weird.

40 shares on Slack this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

37 shares on Slack this month:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

52 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

57 shares on X this month:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Shared recently on Slack:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Making waves on Threads:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Spotted on Telegram:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Spotted on WeChat:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

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Funny January 1st quotes

New funny January 1st quotes 👇

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

All funny January 1st quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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