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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log

Someone from has shared:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from has copied:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from has viewed:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from has shared:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from has copied:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from has shared:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Someone from has copied:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Someone from has copied:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Someone from has shared:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

657 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,819

Funny Quotes Topics

13,794

Funny Quotes Images

10,819

49 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log

Making waves on WeChat:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Breaking via Threads:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Just landed via Discord:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Just shared via Twitch:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Reported on Discord:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Making waves on Instagram:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

Home » Funny No Show Quotes

Funny no show quotes

New funny no show quotes

4 months ago
Share →: Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Commentary:
Looks like Santa had to switch gears from wrangling reindeer to wrangling cookies! Maybe the cowboy got lost while searching for the perfect pair of cookie-crumb spurs! Remember folks, never leave a trail of cookies for a cowboy unless you're ready for a wild west cookie showdown!

For even more funny no show quotes, check out the next page, if available

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New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up.

Trending Funny Quotes

Hot Funny Quotes

Trending Topics

Funny Quotes Data

New Funny Quotes

657 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,819

Funny Quotes Topics

13,794

Funny Quotes Images

10,819

49 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month

Funny Quotes of the Year

Activity Log

Someone from has copied:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from has copied:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Someone from has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from has copied:

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Nobody warns you of the devastation two days of stuffing will bring upon your digestive system.

Someone from has copied:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from has bookmarked:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Social Media Log

Freshly posted on Discord:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I am cassette tape years old.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Trending via Discord:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Making waves on TikTok:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Spotted on YouTube:

I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.

Making waves on YouTube:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Just shared via Facebook:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

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