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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Making things weird is probably the only thing I’m good at.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Spotted on TikTok:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Spotted on WeChat:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Just shared via Threads:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Just shared via X:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Funny patrol quotes

Funny patrol quotes 🚓😂 bring a hilarious twist to the everyday adventures of those on duty! Whether it’s about unexpected encounters or the quirks of patrolling the streets, these witty lines add a sprinkle of laughter to tough jobs. Perfect for sharing with fellow officers, friends, or anyone who appreciates a good chuckle while keeping things safe and sound. Get ready to smile and salute the lighter side of patrol life! 🎉👮‍♂️✨

New funny patrol quotes 👇

All funny patrol quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Instagram this month:

The perfect job for me would be the person staining things for detergent commercials.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

98 shares on Discord this month:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Just shared via Facebook:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Going viral on Reddit:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Spotted on TikTok:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Spotted on YouTube:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

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