Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

When I said there’s no such thing as a dumb question, I didn’t expect them to take it as a personal challenge.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Just shared via Reddit:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Breaking via Slack:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Just landed via Slack:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

36 Funny self-control quotes

More funny self-control quotes 👇

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

2 months ago

forbearance, humor, irony, patience, quality, self-control, situations, social, social situations, too, witnesses
Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

3 months ago

before, buy, chocolate, experience, filled, food, grocery, grocery shopping, healthy, healthy food, i, impulse, impulse buy, marshmallow, me, self-control, shopping, shopping experience, temptation
If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

3 months ago

buy, emotions, food, moment, proud, sad, self-control, snack, snacks, temptation
I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

3 months ago

coffee, drinking, humor, i, mean, mean things, sarcasm, say, self-control, things, welcome
Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

3 months ago

coping, coping mechanism, cut, emotion, emotions, humor, lighthearted, mechanism, sarcasm, self-control, trying
Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

3 months ago

bag, chocolate, confidence, delicious, humor, self-control, snack, temptation

For even more funny self-control quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-control quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

32 shares on Discord this month:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Spotted on WeChat:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Making waves on Discord:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Going bananas on Discord:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Shared recently on Discord:

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Making waves on Reddit:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Going viral on Pinterest:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

36 Funny self-control quotes

More funny self-control quotes 👇

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

All funny self-control quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨