Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Spotted on WeChat:

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

Making waves on WeChat:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

38 Funny slow quotes

More funny slow quotes 👇

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

1 month ago

Discman, exercise, humor, nostalgia, past, running, shake, slow, speed, technology
Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

1 month ago

activity, arts, chi, crazy, exercise, funny activity, humor, martial, martial arts, motion, slow, slow motion, tai, Tai Chi, tantrum, throwing
I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

1 month ago

arts, chi, combat, community, community lessons, free, humor, i, irony, lessons, martial, martial arts, muggers, self-defense, slow, tai, Tai Chi, think, too
I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

1 month ago

communication, English, humor, i, language, slow, speak
So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

1 month ago

car, car crash, crash, crazy, daily, daily life, day, dentist, every, fascism, frustration, humor, i, irony, just, life, living, man, motion, slow, slow motion, still, through
Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

1 month ago

being, compliment, contradiction, humor, insult, irony, me, mule, okay, passing, racing, reaction, slow, someone, speed
Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

1 month ago

communication, deaf, family, girlfriend, humor, loud, misunderstanding, mum, need, needs, relationship, slow, speak, special, special need, told
ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

1 month ago

acronym, ASAP, humor, irony, management, mean, procrastination, slow, time, time management

For even more funny slow quotes, hit next 👇

All funny slow quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I love men with a provider fetish.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

“Stop bouncing your leg!” It’s either this or I start screaming.

29 shares on Threads this month:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

McDonald’s is finally promoting good health by making their food unaffordable.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Just landed via X:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Activity Log ✨

38 Funny slow quotes

More funny slow quotes 👇

All funny slow quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨