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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Live now on Snapchat:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Shared recently on Discord:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

Just landed via WeChat:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

Going viral on Telegram:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Making waves on Reddit:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

15 Funny smartphone quotes

More funny smartphone quotes 👇

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

2 months ago

attention, call, child, distraction, faster, humor, internet, kid, smartphone, technology, watching, YouTube
I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

2 months ago

children, food, humor, i, lifestyle, obsession, phone, photos, priorities, smartphone
A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

2 months ago

annoyance, communication, humor, know, real, shut, shut up, silence, smartphone, technology
It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

2 months ago

driving, everyone, good, green, honk, humor, lights, need, patience, people, smartphone, technology, thing, turn
I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

3 months ago

assistant, back, call, couch, cushions, here, humor, i, lost, phone, smartphone, technology, voice, voice assistant, yell

For even more funny smartphone quotes, hit next 👇

All funny smartphone quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I miss when 1K was a lot of money.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Going viral on Slack:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Just landed via Twitch:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

15 Funny smartphone quotes

More funny smartphone quotes 👇

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

All funny smartphone quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨