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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Trending via WeChat:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Just shared via X:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Making waves on Telegram:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

Making waves on Messenger:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Making waves on YouTube:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

114 Funny us quotes

More funny us quotes 👇

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

3 months ago

crazy, crazy person, fashion, hat, humor, just, people, person, ruined, satire, sucks, tinfoil, tinfoil hat, us
Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

3 months ago

alien, aliens, always, embarrassed, embarrassment, extraterrestrial, human, humans, humor, joke, unidentified, us
My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

3 months ago

assumption, bed, childhood, cream, exactly, friend, friends, happening, humor, i, ice, ice cream sundae, kid, me, parent, parents, put, sundae, us
Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

3 months ago

after, call, chicken, dating, digger, expectation, gold, gold digger, honey, humor, man, meal, men, pay, piece, stereotype, us, woman, yacht

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All funny us quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on X this month:

Pizza should be free for anyone having a bad day.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

82 shares on Slack this month:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

95 shares on Instagram this month:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

56 shares on Threads this month:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m so jealous of people who live near a coastal area. What do you mean you can just go to the beach on a random Tuesday?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Just landed via Messenger:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Breaking via Slack:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Going viral on Instagram:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

114 Funny us quotes

More funny us quotes 👇

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

All funny us quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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