Commentary:
"Who knew Monday was up for sale? 😂 Let's gather our funds and bid adieu to that troublesome day! 💸🔨 #MondayNoMore"
193 Funny wish quotes
I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.
Commentary:
"If my hair could talk, it would probably be saying 'Talk to the volume, because my mouth is busy!' 💁♀️💬 #HairGoals #BigMouth"
I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.
Commentary:
"Talk about taking 'rest in peace' to a whole new level! 😅💀 Sounds like this person wasn't just checking the obituaries, they were checking them off their hit list! 🎯😂 #Savage"
My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.
Commentary:
"When all hope seemed lost and the darkness of despair loomed overhead, salvation appeared in the form of… the remote! 🙌 Who knew a small piece of plastic could hold so much power and bring such joy to a seemingly ruined life? 😂 #DramaOverRemoteFound"
There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.
Commentary:
"Move over, Santa! 🎅🏻 Who needs the North Pole when you've got Amazon Prime? 🎁🚚 Let's make some cyber wishes come true, one delivery at a time! 🛍️💬 #NewAgeSanta"
I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic midlife crisis conundrum: gym membership and protein shakes vs. Snickers for breakfast in bed 🍫💪 Talk about tough life choices! Looks like the Snickers won the battle this time. Who needs abs when you've got chocolate, right? 🤷♂️ #MidlifeCrisisGoals"
Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.
Commentary:
Ah, seaweed – nature's way of giving us a salty hug with a hint of slimy love! 🌊🌿 Perfect for those days when you want to feel like you're eating saltwater taffy straight from the ocean floor. Just add a dash of seaweed and voilà, you've got yourself a snack that's both salty and slippery! 🧂🤪 So go ahead, embrace the algae and dive into the slimy goodness of seaweed
You know where I’d like to go? Missing.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic case of wanting to go off the grid so badly, you actually consider becoming a missing person 🕵️♂️💼 Just imagine the adventures that await in the land of Missing- where chores and responsibilities are but a myth! Good luck convincing your boss you're on a business trip to Missing though 🤣🗺️ #WhereInTheWorldIsUser
I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.
Commentary:
"Who needs reality TV when you have neighbors providing front row seats to their drama? 🍿🎭 Maybe invest in some theater classes instead of couple's therapy? 🤭🎬 #neighborlyentertainment"
Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.
Commentary:
🎅🏼 "Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff." 🤣 Looks like someone is mastering the art of independence and self-reliance! Who needs Santa when you've got your own shopping skills? 🛍️💁♂️ Just remember to treat yourself extra nice this holiday season – you deserve it! 😉✨