God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

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Eating nothing but beer for a month and calling that Oktoberfast.

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Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

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I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

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Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

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Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

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It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.