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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has viewed:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has downloaded:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has shared:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has viewed:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has downloaded:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has bookmarked:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,612

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Making waves on Facebook:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Live now on Discord:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Live now on Telegram:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Trending via Instagram:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Spotted on Slack:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Just shared via Facebook:

Π†f you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

Hanging out with a couple and saying, β€œMay this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

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Hanging out with a couple and saying, β€œMay this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.
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Commentary:
Guess who already ordered a one-way ticket to Solitude Island! πŸοΈπŸ™…β€β™‚οΈπŸ’”

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

πŸŽ‰πŸ₯‚ New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

78 shares on Threads this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

70 shares on Discord this month:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

13 shares on X this month:

Ironic that the two Ζ‘’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My friend says to me, β€œWhat rhymes with orange?” And I told him, β€œNo, it doesn’t.”

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,377

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has shared:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has shared:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¦ has copied:

In high school I was voted β€œmost likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has copied:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has shared:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

50 shades of single.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡² has downloaded:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Slack:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

β€œThe average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Spotted on Facebook:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I hope life gets better for you.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Making waves on Discord:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Seen just now on X:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Seen just now on Messenger:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

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