Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,281

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

Spotted on WeChat:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Trending via Facebook:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Shared recently on Instagram:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Breaking via YouTube:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Live now on WeChat:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Just landed via Discord:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Shared recently on YouTube:

There’s a reason you ain’t ever used your phone in a dream.

Going viral on Threads:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess the calendar didn't get the memo! 🗓️🤔 #TimeTravelSales

black, Black Friday, extension, Friday, humor, oh, sale, sarcasm, shopping, Tuesday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

0

2 months ago

drink, good, humor, irony, lying, lying down, man, moon, problem, put, relaxation, space, wine
My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, contact, contradiction, direct, eye, eye contact, favorite, frustration, give, humor, i, just, listen, listening, me, opposite, parenting, talking, teens, understanding
Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, day, eggs, enemy, funny activity, gathering, houses, much, night, nostalgia, paper, throwing, toilet, toilet paper
My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

0

2 months ago

balance, body, burning, burning question, day, human, human body, leisure, leisure time, question, rest, sufficiency, thought, time, weekend, work life, work-life balance
It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

0

2 months ago

amazing, another, bieber, coffee, coffee shop, escape, example, funny situation, going, humor, justin, Justin Bieber, music, place, playing, restaurant, shop, situation, transport, transportation
My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

0

2 months ago

career, career change, change, Christmas, Christmas song, funny idea, hit, hit song, i, idea, just, learn, music, need, plan, recording, retirement, retirement plan, sing, singing, song

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

56 shares on Discord this month:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

90 shares on Discord this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Icarus loved hot wings.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

It’s the weekend, so naturally, I’m going to spend 48 hours doing nothing, and still be exhausted.

Seen just now on Slack:

Had an interview today, and my belly rumbled. The lady goes, “Missed lunch?” I told her, “Nah, I’m hungry for success!”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Broadcasted on Discord:

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

Just shared via Instagram:

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Spotted on YouTube:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The worst thing is finding out the “sweet guy” is just a lustful loser.

Shared recently on Threads:

If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨