Commentary:
When the local grocery store tells you to keep your produce covered 🍏🧺😄
People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.
Commentary:
Looks like they're stuck in a fraction of their full potential! 🤔🔢😄
I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”
Commentary:
Moonwalking through life with those pronouns! 😂🕺🌕
My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.
Commentary:
Sounds like a real blow to your relationship dynamics! 😂💨❤️
With great power comes a huge electric bill.
Commentary:
So that's why superheroes are always flying around saving the planet—they're trying to avoid paying the utility bill! ⚡💸🤣
I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.
Commentary:
Who knew that white noise isn't code for a country music concert? 😴🎸🚜
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.
Commentary:
Cold justice: now available in frosty and refreshing flavors! ❄️😂
OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
Commentary:
Looks like 20/20 vision is about to join the chat! 🤓👀✨
“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.
Commentary:
Well, I guess my English teacher just quit their job 😅📚🚪➡️🏃♂️
I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.
Commentary:
Confidence is clearly on a weight-loss program whenever my math homework is involved! 📝💪😂