There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo. Posted onMay 20, 2026
“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice. Posted onMay 20, 2026
The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. Posted onMay 20, 2026
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes. Posted onMay 20, 2026
My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!” Posted onMay 20, 2026
I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation. Posted onMay 20, 2026
Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me. Posted onMay 20, 2026