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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.
  • Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
  • The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.
  • I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.
  • I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.
  • Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.