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When your bed gives you a day pass and you're suddenly the king/queen of the world! 🛌👑🎉
Author Archives: slickboy
Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.
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Making sure to pencil in some "me-time" on my schedule today! 📅😏✨
I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)
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I'm trying to adult, but my inner baby keeps maxing out my snack budget! 🍩🍼💸
The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
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Trying to dodge the caffeine monster, but it keeps finding me ☕️😅🔍
Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.
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Trying to figure out God's plot twists is seriously scary! 😱🎬👻
Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”
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Sounds like someone unlocked the "husband hotline" feature on their relationship plan! 📞🤔🤣
Men are very good at being women lately.
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"When makeup tutorials start looking like magic tricks, you know men have leveled up! 💄✨🤣"
Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.
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When reality forgets to read the script! 😂✨🤪
I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.
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The mysterious age saga continues! 🤔🎂 Time zones for birthdays? 😂
Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.
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Listening to bangers while tweeting my random thoughts—I'm basically a multitasking legend! 🎧📱😆