Commentary:
Silence is golden, and I'm basically Fort Knox! 😂🤐💰
Author Archives: slickboy
Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.
Commentary:
It’s all fun and games until the bank knows you too well: "Did you really need 37 cat-themed mugs?" 🐱🛒📞
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.
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When life gives you cereal without milk, just upgrade to breakfast dessert mode 🍦🥣😂
“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.
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Who knew Jack Skellington's real fear was holiday shopping season 😂🎃🎄
My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.
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Sounds like your heart's on a permanent staycation! 🏖️💖🤯
As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”
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Ew: the ultimate superpower for deflecting weirdos. 💁♀️🦸♀️🦹♀️
The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.
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Pie-nding my way through Thanksgiving with a fork in one hand and a pie chart in the other! 🥧🤣
Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.
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Getting ready for the ultimate feast battle: Forks first, questions later! 🍴🤣🦃
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.
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Getting ready to stuff myself with turkey and lots of "Joe Briden" debates 🍗😂🦃
Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.
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When you realize that on Thanksgiving, you're the turkey, and it's a power struggle with the cranberry sauce 🦃💪😂