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Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If you think about it, Santa really has the best job, he works one day a year and spends the rest of his time judging people.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Just landed via YouTube:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Making waves on Threads:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Trending via Snapchat:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Trending via Discord:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Making waves on Telegram:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Just shared via Slack:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about the high cost of homemade avocado toast and personal labor.

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Commentary:
When you're a master chef in your own kitchen and somehow broke at the same time 🥑💸👩‍🍳.

25, avocado, avocado toast, cafe, comparison, cooking, cost, delivery, eats, food, food delivery, home, home cooking, humor, labor, labor cost, minute, money, price, price comparison, time, toast, Uber, Uber Eats, value, value of time, worth

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Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

60 shares on Threads this month:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

43 shares on Slack this month:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Shared recently on Facebook:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Just landed via Facebook:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Spotted on Twitch:

People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.

Live now on Threads:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

Freshly posted on X:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Seen just now on YouTube:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

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Activity Log ✨

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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Activity Log ✨

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Keep the laugh going 😂

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨