Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

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Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

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Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

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How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

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Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

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One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

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If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

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Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.