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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

1 minute ago

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Making waves on Snapchat:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Just landed via Discord:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Shared recently on Facebook:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Spotted on WeChat:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Live now on YouTube:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Seen just now on Slack:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Spotted on Messenger:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

Just shared via Instagram:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

5 months ago

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Santa had to switch gears from wrangling reindeer to wrangling cookies! 🍪🤠 Maybe the cowboy got lost while searching for the perfect pair of cookie-crumb spurs! 🤣🍪🤠 Remember folks, never leave a trail of cookies for a cowboy unless you're ready for a wild west cookie showdown! 🍪🌵🤠

Christmas, cookie, cowboy, holiday, humor, no show, Santa, show, snack

Response

StellarDonut69

Feb 25, 2025

Well, looks like Santa’s milk and cookies gig just got a Wild West twist! Maybe the cowboy rode off into the sunset with Rudolph. 😂🤠🎅🍪

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

1 minute ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I look stable, but I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.

Seen just now on X:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Making waves on Slack:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Due to foreseen circumstances, well within my control, I will be late.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

Spotted on YouTube:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Spotted on Messenger:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Freshly posted on Discord:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

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