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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

You have a bucket list, I have my head in a bucket, we are not the same.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Explaining myself is too much work, just judge me.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Live now on YouTube:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Spotted on Telegram:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Making waves on Slack:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Trending via Instagram:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Going bananas on Discord:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Just landed via TikTok:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

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Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.
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Commentary:
Looks like Santa had to switch gears from wrangling reindeer to wrangling cookies! 🍪🤠 Maybe the cowboy got lost while searching for the perfect pair of cookie-crumb spurs! 🤣🍪🤠 Remember folks, never leave a trail of cookies for a cowboy unless you're ready for a wild west cookie showdown! 🍪🌵🤠

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Reddit this month:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

92 shares on Threads this month:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

33 shares on Discord this month:

I’m far too underqualified for adult life, and I feel like I was promoted to manager far too quickly.

36 shares on X this month:

Eating Chinese takeout is never as depressing as in the movies. It usually is good.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

79 shares on X this month:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

54 shares on Slack this month:

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, I just realized that the future idealized version of myself can’t exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

It’s important that everyone takes really good pictures of me this summer.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Going viral on Twitch:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Trending via Threads:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Spotted on Threads:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Making waves on Discord:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Live now on Discord:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Seen just now on WeChat:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

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