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6 months ago
Share →: I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

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"Finally, a cause that everyone can get behind! It's time for men to shine just as brightly… and lucratively 😏💸 #EqualityForAll #EqualityInEveryFan"

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Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

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A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

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I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

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Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

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I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

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If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

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Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

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My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

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My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

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Seen just now on Threads:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Breaking via Messenger:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

Going viral on Twitch:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

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I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Being skinny may be nice, but chicken nuggets are even nicer.

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

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Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

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My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

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