Commentary:
"Thought I'd left that drama back in 'don't we know better by now?' 🙄😂🎢"
1681 Funny irony quotes
I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.
Commentary:
"Ah, yes… the art of sleep-thinking! Who needs REM when you can have REMiniscing? 🛌🤔💭😴"
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
…
Commentary:
"Time flies when you're having… naps! 😴🕒😂"
That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.
…
Commentary:
"That place is so exclusive, even its own crowd can't get in! 🎟️🚪😄"
I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.
…
Commentary:
"When life throws independence at you and you're stuck with it, but hey, at least I can open my own pickle jars now! 🥒💪😂"
I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.
…
Commentary:
"9th time’s the charm! 🎯 Who knew mission impossible was just 'mission repetitive'? 🤔😂"
You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.
…
Commentary:
"When your ears are on vacation but your neck's working overtime! 🤣🤷♂️🙇♀️"
Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.
…
Commentary:
"Me pretending I have inner peace like 🍃😌🍃 #WorryLevelExpert"
No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.
…
Commentary:
"Who needs protein shakes when I've got you giving my heart a workout? 💪❤️😂"
I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.
Commentary:
"Story of my life: Professional insomniac by night, narcoleptic by day! 😴🦉😂"