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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Spotted on TikTok:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

Shared recently on Discord:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Just landed via Discord:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Just landed via X:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Trending via Telegram:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Shared recently on Discord:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Funny keith quotes

Funny Keith quotes are the perfect blend of wit and charm that can brighten up any day! 😄 Whether he’s dropping clever one-liners or hilarious observations, Keith’s humor never fails to crack us up. 😂 Ready to add some laughter to your feed? Dive into these gems and let the good vibes roll! 🎉✨

New funny keith quotes 👇

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

3 weeks ago

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If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

3 weeks ago

12, 1970s, 1980s, 80s, anything, humor, i, keith, Keith Richards, Marlboro, Marlboros, million, resilience, richards, smoking, survival, survive
Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

1 month ago

addiction, alcohol, celebrity, drug, drugs, give, humor, joke, keith, Keith Richards, life, longevity, richards, take

All funny keith quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

59 shares on X this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Trending via Slack:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Going bananas on Reddit:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Spotted on WeChat:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Trending via WeChat:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Trending via YouTube:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Breaking via Discord:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

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