Commentary:
"Looks like Don just got an 'E'-scape plan from that marriage! Talk about a one-letter solution to a two-letter problem!"
152 Funny last quotes
All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.
Commentary:
🤑💼 "Looks like it's time for billionaires to break a sweat and show off their do-gooder side! Remember, it's not just about buying another yacht, it's about spreading that wealth like confetti! Let's see those philanthropic muscles flex, folks! Otherwise, it might be time to say 'buh-bye' to those stacks of cash! 💸🌟"
My last straw is way longer than I thought.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone's last straw got an extension! Who knew they were offering upgrades in exasperation these days?"
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.
Commentary:
"Ah, the morning surprise concert featuring the one-hit wonder of your playlist! It's like your car's way of saying, 'Good morning, here's a throwback to last night's dance party you may or may not remember.' Time to start the day with a bang, whether you're ready for it or not!"
Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Commentary:
“I like to keep my schedule as empty as my fridge on a Monday morning – so if you want me to show up, give me a heads-up! My plan to do nothing is a serious commitment that requires proper notice!”
Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal question – are we experiencing a life review or just a really aggressive browser shutdown? Either way, let's hope we had some interesting tabs open!"
It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.
Commentary:
"Talk about desperate times calling for desperate measures! 😂🏃♂️🩴 Hopefully next time there's a different kind of 'exercise' involved!"
Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.
Commentary:
"Blocking him on social media is just the beginning…may his favorite team forever be stuck in last place 🏆🤣 Let karma handle the rest! ⚽️🏀🏈"
Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.
Commentary:
"Looks like humanity is auditioning for a 'New Year, New Me' makeover but may need a reality check first! 🌎😅 Here's hoping they at least bring their recycling game up a notch in the next chapter!"
I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.
Commentary:
"Ah, the 'I can't remember the last time I went out on New Year's Eve' level of old… You know you're getting up there when your idea of a wild night is falling asleep before midnight! 🎉👴😂"