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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

You are not in a situationship. You are texting a man who doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,662

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Spotted on X:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Making waves on Discord:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Going viral on X:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Funny life support quotes

Funny life support quotes bring a much-needed dose of laughter to serious moments 💉😂! Whether you’re a medical pro or just love quirky humor, these witty sayings keep spirits high and stress low 😅💪. Ready to smile through the beeps and tubes? Let’s dive into some hilarious takes on life support that prove humor truly is the best medicine! 😄🎉

New funny life support quotes 👇

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

4 weeks ago

back, dark, dark humor, ever, humor, joke, life, life support, me, medical, medical humor, plug, resilience, sarcasm, support, unplug, works
I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

1 month ago

charge, children, end, family, humor, i, irony, know, life, life support, phone, support, technology, unplug

All funny life support quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

56 shares on Threads this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Your password must contain a character… with a tragic backstory.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

Making waves on WeChat:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Trending via Instagram:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Shared recently on X:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Trending via WeChat:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Going viral on Discord:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

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