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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2334 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,496

Funny Quotes Topics

15,197

Funny Quotes Images

12,496

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Trending via Reddit:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Reported on YouTube:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Just landed via Twitch:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Reported on Reddit:

Everyone’s gangsta until they spot a double rainbow in the sky.

Just shared via Telegram:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Breaking via Instagram:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Just shared via TikTok:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Spotted on Reddit:

Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Home » Funny New Life Quotes

Funny new life quotes

New funny new life quotes 👇

For even more funny new life quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny new life quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2334 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,496

Funny Quotes Topics

15,197

Funny Quotes Images

12,496

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Making waves on Facebook:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Just landed via Threads:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’ve just found my wide pants again. They weren’t gone at all, they’re just my tight pants now.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Just shared via X:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Spotted on Threads:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Making waves on Facebook:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Making waves on Messenger:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Going viral on TikTok:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

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