Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,713

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Spotted on YouTube:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Making waves on TikTok:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Just landed via Facebook:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Trending via Discord:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I love when lashes make me look evil.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Spotted on TikTok:

Cool times create cool guys.

Funny Oscar quotes

Funny Oscar quotes bring the glitz and glam of Hollywood with a hilarious twist 🎬✨ From witty one-liners to cheeky acceptance speeches, these moments keep us laughing long after the awards end 😂🏆 Ready to relive the funniest, most unforgettable zingers from Tinseltown’s biggest night? Grab your popcorn 🍿 and dive into the sparkle and snark of Oscar humor! 🎉🎥

New funny Oscar quotes 👇

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

0

2 months ago

acting, coworkers, deserve, everything, fake, fine, humor, i, office, Oscar, pretending, sarcasm, stress, think, work, workplace
Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

0

2 months ago

40s, actor, adult, adult humor, aging, best, bra, bras, humor, menopause, Oscar, role, support, supportive, welcome, women
I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling
I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

0

2 months ago

acting, award, busy, easily, going, humor, i, just, Oscar, priorities, right, self-deprecation, things, win
Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

0

2 months ago

acting, again, awards, drama, humor, i, life, morning, nomination, once, Oscar, performance, self-deprecation

All funny Oscar quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on WeChat this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

16 shares on Threads this month:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

87 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

49 shares on YouTube this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

49 shares on Discord this month:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,232

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Living solo: where pants are optional, and snacks are unlimited.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Just landed via Threads:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Just shared via Twitch:

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Live now on Messenger:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Live now on X:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

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