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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Earth is hard.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Maybe her DMs haven’t been working for 2 months.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Reported on Messenger:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

Just shared via Reddit:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

59 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Making waves on Facebook:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Trending via TikTok:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

Spotted on YouTube:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

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