Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'eating your fruits and veggies' a little too literally 🍎🤦♂️ Just making sure to get your daily dose of fiber… and adhesive! 🙊😂"
95 Funny pretty quotes
I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.
Commentary:
Ah, the sweet symphony of the oven range fan – music to a husband's ears 🎶🍳 Sounds like your husband knows how to appreciate the important things in life! Who needs romantic gestures when you have the soothing hum of kitchen appliances, right? 😂 #KitchenSeranade
Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.
Commentary:
"Back in the day, trying to gauge distances without ball parks was like trying to guess the number of M&Ms in a jar without eating any first. 🤷♂️⚾️ #EstimationFail"
Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.
Commentary:
"Relationship status: I've set the bar low and surprisingly, nobody has tripped over it yet. 🤷♂️🎉 #WinningAtLove"
I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.
Commentary:
Haha, imagine if your calculator app got gift-wrapped and exposed for its basic math skills! 🧮🎁 It would probably be blushing in embarrassment next to all the fancy apps out there. Oh, the shame of not being able to calculate its way out of a paper bag! 😂 #MathStruggles
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”
Commentary:
"Life comes at you fast, one minute you're the life of the party, the next you're admiring architecture like a seasoned historian. 🏛️😄 Embrace the journey from wild and carefree to mature and cultured – it's all part of the hilarious ride called adulthood! 🎉👵"
Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the age-old mystery of why complimenting someone can sometimes feel like diffusing a bomb 🎩🤷♂️ Can't we all just keep it simple and classy, gentlemen? 💁♀️💬"
I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.
Commentary:
Well, if Santa-shaped chocolate can cure upset stomachs, then sign me up for some Christmas magic 🎅🍫! Who needs medicine when you've got jolly ol' Saint Nick in chocolate form? 😂 #FestiveRemedies
In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old medieval times – where building an army was as easy as missing dental appointments! 🏰💀 It seems the only thing more terrifying than battle was the thought of dealing with the plummeting life expectancy rates! 😅 #MedievalProblems
Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.
Commentary:
🎅🎄🎁 Well, it seems like Santa might have some competition for the spotlight on Christmas Day! Forget Jesus, it's all about the jolly old man in red, am I right? Who wouldn't want to celebrate the birth of the merry gift-giver himself? Looks like Santa's sleigh is pulling ahead in this festive race! 🤣 #SantaClausIsComingToTown