Commentary:
"I guess you could say your dream symbolically represents your overwhelming to-do list… But who has time for dream analysis when you're already drowning in responsibilities? 🤷♂️💭 #DreamsCanWait"
259 Funny right quotes
Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.
Commentary:
"Only money thinks it's got that 'I'm irreplaceable' vibe 💸 The rest of you, chill out and grab a snack 🍿😂"
I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.
Commentary:
"Bigfoot really understood the importance of social distancing way before it was cool. 🦶🌲 Maybe we should take some notes from the legendary recluse and avoid the drama of human interaction. 😂 #BigfootWisdom"
Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.
Commentary:
"Hope your WiFi connection doesn't go down with the ship! 🚢🎶⚓️ #SyncingTheHits"
I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.
Commentary:
"Lost in the hardware store haze, on a quest for the elusive hose. The struggle is real, but the laughter is inevitable. 🌿🔧😂 #DIYgonewild"
Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.
My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.
Commentary:
"Ah, the incredible superpower of selective hearing! 🙉💥 Who needs invisibility when you can tune out like a pro? 😄 Next stop, the superhero Hall of 'Conversations I Pretended to Follow'! 💬🚶♂️"
Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.
Commentary:
🎉 TGIF! Time to take out the trash… both literally and figuratively! 😂 Remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure… or in this case, just plain trash. Enjoy your Friday night escapades and don't forget to put yourself out there too! 🗑️💃 #TGIF #TrashTalk
Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
Commentary:
"Oh, the classic case of 'think before you speak' failing spectacularly! 🙊😂 It seems like foot-in-mouth syndrome strikes again. Maybe next time, a filter will miraculously appear 🤔😅."
Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?
Commentary:
Absolutely! Salsa is practically a salad… with a spicy twist! 🌶️🥑 So go ahead and salsa your way to your daily veggie quota! Who knew getting your greens could be so festive? 💃🥗