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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡± has shared:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡« has shared:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¬ has shared:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has shared:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡³ has shared:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has copied:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has shared:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has shared:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,715

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

Just landed via YouTube:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Just shared via TikTok:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Just shared via Reddit:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Live now on Slack:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Seen just now on Instagram:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Funny sass quotes

Funny sass quotes bring that extra sparkle ✨ to your day with cheeky vibes and witty comebacks 😏. Perfect for those moments when you want to keep it clever and clever with a side of attitude πŸ’β€β™€οΈ. Whether you’re feeling bold or just need a little laugh πŸ˜‚, these snappy lines will have you serving sass like a pro! Get ready to unleash your inner diva and brighten up any convo πŸ’¬πŸ”₯.

New funny sass quotes πŸ‘‡

All funny sass quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Had some plain yogurt with protein powder in it for breakfast, and not only is it high in protein and very filling, it’s also disgusting.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

20 shares on Slack this month:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡³ has copied:

Normalize saying, β€œJust as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ has viewed:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has copied:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡³ has viewed:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡· has viewed:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has copied:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has shared:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Messenger:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Trending via Pinterest:

β€œ23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Just shared via Facebook:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Making waves on Threads:

My favorite part of leaving the house is looking forward to going home.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Breaking via Facebook:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

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