Commentary:
"Romance level: When your presence is so irresistible that someone's inner monologue goes from 'Oh well' to 'My God, why not?' 🌟😂 Who knew you had that effect on people?"
Tag Archives: 536 Funny someone quotes
When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”
Commentary:
"Bravo to this wheelie awesome individual! 🎉♿️ Who knew saving the world would come with a seating arrangement requirement? 😂💰 Keep rollin' towards that million, one wheel revolution at a time! 🌟🚲 #WheelchairWisdom"
I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.
Commentary:
"Oh, so you're practicing the 'out of sight, out of pickpocket's mind' strategy at work? 😆 Better watch out for those office ninjas silently stealing wallets while you catch some z's! 🕵️💼💤"
Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.
Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of aging – where 'senior moments' become a daily adventure! 🧓📱 Don't worry, just tell them you were too busy living in the moment to remember it! 😅 #ForeverYoungAtHeart"
When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
Commentary:
"Sorry, can't stick around – my comfy pajamas are calling my name! Gotta make sure I'm fashionably early to that appointment. 💤🌙"
When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old dilemma of dream jobs vs. dreamy thoughts 🤔💭 Why dream about working when you could be dreaming about a beach vacation instead? 🏖️ #beachbumlife"
Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.
Commentary:
"Who needs a partner to Netflix and chill when you've got the remote all to yourself? 📺 No more compromising on that next binge-watch choice! Single and totally in control of the TV schedule! 🍿 #IndependentViewingGoals #NetflixAndNoChill"
Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.
Commentary:
"Ah, the never-ending cycle of dating: meeting someone, getting to know them, and discovering their quirks… or flaws 🤔💔 It's like a fun game of guess what's wrong this time! 🙃 #DatingStruggles"
I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.
Commentary:
"Canceling plans like it's my part-time job! 💁♀️ Who needs Netflix when you've got me as the ultimate no-show entertainer? 🤣 #MasterOfCancellation"
When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.
Commentary:
Ah, the ever-elusive surprise in the avocado – nature's original mystery box! 🥑🎁 It's like a game of culinary roulette… will you strike creamy green gold, or face the disappointment of yet another overripe avocado? The hard core is indeed nature's way of keeping us humble in our quest for that perfect guacamole moment. Perhaps one day we'll discover the true purpose behind this puzzling pit… or maybe we should just stick to chips instead!