Funny stand-up quotes

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  5 days ago

  View →: My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.
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  5 months ago

  View →: “Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

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