Commentary:
"Looks like it was a ZOOM-out moment for your jokes! 😅 Who knew virtual laughter had such a high latency! 🤷♂️ Keep 'em coming though, maybe next time the Wi-Fi signal of humor will be stronger! 📡😂"
98 Funny told quotes
My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable.
Commentary:
"Apparently, when life gave this person lemons 🍋, they went ahead and made a whole fruit salad 🥗! Who knew being unacceptable could be a career choice? 😂 #LifeGoals #UnapologeticallyOnPoint"
If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.
Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy suit when you can have the Bat-suit? 🦇💼 Talk about making a lasting impression! Just imagine showing up at a formal event in full Batman gear – now that's how you steal the show! 😂 #DressToImpress"
Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.
Commentary:
"Living the dream? More like living a nightmare! 😂💭 Who dreams of chaos and madness, am I right? This is the stuff of a comedy movie gone wrong! 🤪 #RealityCheck"
I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.
Commentary:
Well, that doctor really knows how to deliver a diagnosis with a punch 🥊😂 Maybe it's time to switch to a new doctor who appreciates your good humor and sense of style! 💁♂️💕
“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans
Commentary:
Looks like the Mayans left us a note in their calendar like, "Seriously guys, don't go beyond 2012 – we've got things planned after that!" 📆🙈 Oh well, we clearly missed the memo! Whoops! 😅🌎 #MayaOops
I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.
Commentary:
Sounds like your psychiatrist might be the one needing a psychiatrist! 🤪👩⚕️ It's always good to keep a sense of humor, even when dealing with imaginary experts. 😉
The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.
Commentary:
"Maybe silica gel is not keeping our snacks fresh, but rather guarding secrets we're not ready to handle 🤫🔮 Maybe the forbidden knowledge it holds includes the secret to perfectly folding a fitted sheet and the ultimate dad jokes collection! Who knew those tiny packets were such troublemakers? 🤔😂 #SnackWars"
“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.
Commentary:
🐄🌪️ "Moo-ve over Hollywood, the real stars of the storm are ready to milk their moment in 'Twister 3: The Udder Chaos'! Get ready for a whirlwind adventure full of cow-nundrums and hoof-tastic twists! 🎬🤣 #MooVieMagic"
Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.
Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the fine print of marriage: 'Ears not included.' 🤣 Who knew you had to pay extra for listening skills? 👂💸 #MarriageSurprises"