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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Within a week, we’ve had a major jewel heist, a mafia-involved poker ring, and sports gambling corruption. We’re living in the 1920s.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

Trending via Snapchat:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If Britain is going to be invaded, can it at least be by the Romans? We desperately need the roads resurfacing.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Making waves on YouTube:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Breaking via Telegram:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Just shared via WeChat:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

Just shared via Telegram:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Funny wasted quotes

Funny wasted quotes bring the perfect blend of humor and wild nights 🍻😂 Whether you’re reminiscing about epic party fails or just need a good laugh after a few drinks, these witty sayings hit the spot 🎉🥴 Get ready to chuckle, cringe, and maybe even relate as we dive into the funniest takes on being totally wasted! Cheers to unforgettable moments and hilarious memories 🍹😆

New funny wasted quotes 👇

All funny wasted quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,725

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Spotted on X:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Seen just now on Discord:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Trending via Twitch:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“Can you explain the gap in your resume?” I went missing in a national park.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Spotted on X:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

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