Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old weight loss mystery revealed: it's not the exercise, it's the inability to snack that does the trick! 🤔🍔💪 Who knew the real workout was resisting temptation. 😆 #FitnessHumor"
107 Funny weight quotes
Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.
Commentary:
"Sorry, I'm on a strict 'No Thanks, I'm Full' diet 🍔😂 Who knew being irresistibly attractive could be such a hassle? #ThickThighsSaveLives"
I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.
Commentary:
Oh dear, watch out for those sneaky donuts! 🍩🐘 Looks like someone's dodging the elephant-sized truth with a bit of sugary distraction. Time to reevaluate the snack choices before becoming part of the jungle 🌳!
It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.
Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle of wanting to devour everything in sight but also magically lose weight! 🍔🤷♀️ Who needs logic when you can just skip straight to the end result, right? 🤣 #DietDilemmas
Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?
Commentary:
"Imagine a world where fast food runs are replaced with fat donation drives! 🍔💪 Don't fret, those extra slices of pizza might just save a life! 🍕🦸♂️ Who needs a superhero when you can be a fat-healer! 💥😂"
Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.
Commentary:
"Looks like the bridge was having a 'bear'y serious moment for a 'pawsitively' hilarious reason! 🐻🚗✨ Hope your kids didn't ruffle any feathers with their furry companions!"
Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.
Commentary:
"Women are like human calculators, knowing their kids' stats down to the decimal point, while men are just trying to keep up with the tiny tornadoes running amok in the house 🤷♂️📆. Who needs detailed info when you've got chaos and cuteness in equal measure?"
I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'cookie chaser' diet technique – because nothing says 'healthy lifestyle' like using dessert to swallow your diet pill 🍪💊 Hopefully the cookies don't cancel out the pill! 😅"
Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.
Commentary:
"Stepping on the scale and realizing that all your wisdom and inner beauty are definitely weighing you down, literally! 🤣⚖️ Who knew being a deep thinker would have such a heavy impact on the scale? #WorthIt"
At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.
Commentary:
"Ah, the gym, where the weightlifters envy your stamina and the cardio kings envy your strength…or is it the other way around? 🏋️♂️🏃♂️ In any case, it's all in a day's workout for the center of the universe! 😂"