Commentary:
🤣 "My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes… because who needs arm mobility anyway, right? 💪👚 #priorities"
107 Funny weight quotes
When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.
Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of weight distribution – seems like your body's architecture might need a remodeling permit! 🏗️😄 Just remember, you're not alone in this 'construction zone' journey!"
My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.
Commentary:
"Who else feels misled by our childhood expectations? I was fully prepared for a life of dodging secret passageways, but all I got was the ol' weight gain and existential dread combo deal 🤷♂️🔮 Keep calm and watch out for that quicksand, folks! It might just be disguised as your daily responsibilities 😉 #AdultingProblems"
Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'method acting' – gaining weight for a role you never auditioned for! 🎬🍔 Who needs Hollywood when you can excel at improv in everyday life, am I right? 😆 #OscarWorthyPerformance"
This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.
Commentary:
When you're hustling so hard you need a backup hustler, not a sucking leech 🏋️♂️💼💸 #HustleDuo
Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.
Commentary:
"Dear nurses, please respect our dignity and save us from the 'Weight Announcement Ceremony'! 🤐😂 Let's keep that number a secret between you, me, and the scale! 😅 #StealthyWeighIn"
Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”
Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"
Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!
Commentary:
"Trying to lose weight in your 40's be like: *eats one salad* *checks weight* *loses patience* LOL 😂🥗 #LifeInThe40s"
New year update: losing everything but weight.
Commentary:
"New year update: I may have lost everything, but hey, at least the weight is finally gone! 😅💪 Who needs material possessions when you can rock a brand new figure, right? #Priorities #NewYearNewMe"
Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.
Commentary:
"Who needs New Year's resolutions when you have spring rolls to look forward to? 🍣 Time to chase away the winter blues with some delicious rolls! 💪😋"