Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Your Honor, that doesn’t sound like me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Spotted on Messenger:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Referring to normal shoes as non-bowling shoes.

Spotted on Telegram:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

Trending via Instagram:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Living the high life: gourmet room service, epic TV flops, and the hope that the gym cancels out the dessert 🍕📺🏊‍♂️🍰

Airbnb, amenity, bed, cable, cable television, eating, gym, hell, hotel, humor, i, leisure, love, pool, relaxation, room, room service, service, show, staying, swimming, swimming pool, television, time, TV, TV Show, using, vacation, watch, while, working, worst

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

0

3 months ago

change, changes, control, electronics, everything, humor, i, joke, just, pun, remote, remote control, technology, universal, universal remote
I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

0

2 months ago

communication, even, expert, Funny, funny story, having, humor, joke, language, mistake, story, storytelling, tell, wording
I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

0

2 months ago

baby, baby Jesus, Christmas, humor, i, Jesus, Joseph, just, life, looking, man, Mary, men, modern, modern life, Nativity, phones, scene, set, technology, waiting, wise, Wise Man
Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

0

3 months ago

affordability, affordable, affordable housing, Earth, estate, housing, housing affordability, housing market, living, market, neighborhood, nothing, rare, rare earth, real, real estate, urban, urban living, walkable, walkable neighborhood
I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

0

2 months ago

aging, eye, eyes, eyesight, getting, humor, i, joke, just, perception, self-deprecating, smaller, thought, worse, wrinkle, wrinkles
I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

0

2 months ago

awareness, care, confusion, humor, i, idea, me, pretend, stuff, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Telegram this month:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

39 shares on X this month:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Using Indeed feels like being an ugly guy on a dating app.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Trending via Messenger:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Just landed via Threads:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

Seen just now on Threads:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Just shared via X:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨