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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Trending via Threads:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Trending via Twitch:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Going viral on Threads:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Trending via Telegram:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Just landed via Reddit:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The future is buffering.

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

2 months ago

0

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm the budget-friendly adulting edition, complete with free shipping on every questionable decision! 🚚🛒😂

adult, comparison, humor, self-deprecating, Temu, version, well-functioning

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

0

2 months ago

car, comfort, heated, heated seat, humor, love, relationship, seat, warmth
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

0

2 months ago

bottom, chores, cleaning, here, house, humor, i, irony, just, living, need, sarcasm, stop, top
Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, listen, man, memory, never, relationship, remember, rule, something, woman
My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

0

2 months ago

burnout, expectations, humor, mama, mediocrity, perfectionist, quitter, raise, raised, self-criticism, sometimes, struggle
If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

0

2 months ago

call, humor, ignored, ignored call, irony, missed, missed call, phone, smart, smart phone, technology
Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

0

2 months ago

across, computer, dream, fever, fever dream, flying, humor, i, just, memory, nostalgia, people, remember, screens, toaster, wing, wings

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Facebook this month:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Talents: eating!

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

63 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

61 shares on Discord this month:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

53 shares on X this month:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up in a poor family. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

Trending via Slack:

My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I need a day off from myself.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Seen just now on Discord:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

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