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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Just shared via Facebook:

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Spotted on Slack:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Trending via Telegram:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Trending via TikTok:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's the sweetest apocalyptic love story I've ever heard! 💍💥❤️

devotion, end, eternity, humor, love, relationship, things, worship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

0

2 months ago

advice, clue, humor, say, should, uncertainty, urge
My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

0

3 months ago

buy, food, food storage, fridge, grocery, home, humor, i, retirement, retirement home, soon, spoilage, storage
Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

0

5 months ago

event, experience, experiences, human, human experience, moving, relocation, stressful, stressful event, worst, worst experience
All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

0

2 months ago

animal, dog, dogs, freelancing, humor, just, majority, pet, therapy
You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

0

2 months ago

captcha, humanity, humor, identity, irony, own, prove, technology
My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

0

2 months ago

body, brain, conflict, exciting, fool, humor, inner, inner conflict, listen, motivation, procrastination, something, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

57 shares on Discord this month:

I will never stop being a quitter!

70 shares on X this month:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I’d end my life from loneliness before I ever talk to ChatGPT like it’s my friend.

Just shared via Facebook:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Just landed via Facebook:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Just shared via X:

My favorite condiment is Worcestershire sauce. Why? It’s hard to say.

Just shared via TikTok:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

All dogs are therapy dogs. The majority are just freelancing.

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨