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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Going bananas on Twitch:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Spotted on Threads:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Making waves on Slack:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ahoy mateys! ⚓️ Looks like the pirate code has been updated – we're all about positive vibes and teamwork now! 🏴‍☠️ Walking the plank is so last century, let's sail together towards a more compassionate horizon (and save the dramatic exits for the movies)! 😉🌊 #PirateLifeUpgrade

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

43 shares on Discord this month:

Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,395

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Live now on Twitch:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Making waves on YouTube:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Trending via TikTok:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

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