Commentary:
Humans: basically just complicated food processors 🍽️➡️💩🤣
Author Archives: slickboy
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
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Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️
“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”
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In the game of love, I’m the playlist curator while you’re stuck as an unread message 😂🎵📩
My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.
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Guess I know why they call it a knotty subscription 🤣✨🔌
Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.
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Just found out I listen to a band called "Who Even Are These Guys" more than I breathe! 🎧🤔😂
I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.
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Looks like your phone and those ads are now in a committed relationship! 📱❤️🎯
The phone is the most evil screen. The computer is somewhat evil, but less so than the phone. The TV is benevolent.
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Phones: tiny tyrants in your pocket 📱😈, computers: the mischievous middle child 💻😏, TVs: the wise old grandparent dispensing endless reruns 📺👴🏻.
Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.
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When you realize your jacket can't handle a light breeze, let alone winter ❄️🧥😂
That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.
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When your life's a work in progress but you're still waiting for the patch update 😂🚧 #RelationshipPatchNotes
Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.
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Sounds like someone clicked "remind me tomorrow" on their entire life! 😂📅🔒