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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Going viral on Threads:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Going viral on Telegram:

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

Just landed via Instagram:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Freshly posted on X:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.

Just landed via Slack:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Making waves on Telegram:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Spotted on Slack:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Making waves on Telegram:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Going viral on Facebook:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Spotted on WeChat:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

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