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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I’m doing a challenge called ‘November’ — it’s where I just try to get through every day in the month of November.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Breaking via YouTube:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Going viral on Telegram:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Just landed via Instagram:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Just landed via TikTok:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

Making waves on Messenger:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Going viral on Facebook:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Funny allegations quotes

Funny allegations quotes bring a hilarious twist to serious claims, turning drama into pure comedy 😂🎭! Whether it’s playful accusations among friends or cheeky takes on wild rumors, these quotes add a spark of humor to everyday squabbles 😜🔥. Ready to laugh at the absurdity of accusations gone funny? Dive in and enjoy some witty, lighthearted vibes that prove sometimes the best defense is a good joke! 🎉😆

New funny allegations quotes 👇

All funny allegations quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Slack this month:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

51 shares on Discord this month:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Every morning I announce that Im going for a jog, but then I don’t go. It’s a running gag.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Trending via Messenger:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Spotted on Messenger:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

Going viral on Slack:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Making waves on Slack:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Breaking via Instagram:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

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