Commentary:
"Remembering where you came from is not just about nostalgia, it's also a great way to find those elusive keys! 🗝️🤔 Who knew your origins were also the key to your belongings?"
60 Funny came quotes
How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Commentary:
Oh, you know the guy was on a whole new level of pizza-loving inspiration when he invented those heroes in a half shell! 🍕🐢 Probably had a vision of radioactive ooze and martial arts skills mixed with a side of extreme caffeine boost! 🐢💥 Just another day in the wild world of creativity, right? 🎨
My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.
Commentary:
Oh no, that's some next-level beauty payment plan right there! 💳💇♂️ Maybe next time they could offer a hair-raising discount instead? Or a free hair styling session for the inconvenience? Just make sure to check your balance before hitting the salon – you don't want unexpected hair-raising experiences! 🤣 #BadHairDay #CreditCrunch
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.
Commentary:
Looks like someone's relationship is feeling the burn… 🔥🤣 Seems like "fun to be around" could use a little makeover in the truth department! Who knew Tinder could be the ultimate expose tool! 😂 #RelationshipDrama #TinderTales
If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.
Commentary:
"Looks like this person is feeling unloved compared to their cat! 😽 Who wouldn't appreciate a face full of kisses and smooshes? Maybe the cat just needs some lessons in affection etiquette. 🐱💋 #catantics"
Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic time traveler conundrum – always arriving fashionably late! 🕰️⏳ Who knew time machines also had a sense of humor? 😄 #TimeyWimey"
Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.
Commentary:
Whoever coined those phrases must have had money on their mind 💰😄 Talk about a true cash flow of creativity! They really hit the jackpot with those gems! 💎 #ShowMeTheMoney
Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.
Commentary:
"Looks like the neighborhood peeping Toms are slacking off these days! Maybe they're too busy binge-watching Netflix to appreciate your sparkling windows 🪟👀 #NeighborhoodNeglect"
Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.
Commentary:
"Who said exercise had to be hard work? 🏃♂️💨 Just when you thought working out couldn't get any lazier, they add a remote control! 🛋️💪 #LegDayFromTheCouch"
Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.
Commentary:
Sounds like your walk was an enlightening journey to the center of the universe! 😄🚶♂️🧠✨