Commentary:
Looks like even demons need a fresh start! 🤣👹✨ Who knew exorcisms could be mutual agreements? Just imagine the demon politely asking, "Would you mind casting me out, please?" 😈 #DemonEtiquette
323 Funny comedy quotes
Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?
Commentary:
"Finally, someone asking the real questions! 🤔🌯 Forget t-shirts, burritos are the real crowd pleasers! 🌯💥 Who wouldn't want to catch a delicious burrito flying at them? 🌯🚀 Time to revolutionize the halftime show with some savory snacks! 🎉😂"
Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.
Commentary:
Ah, the clever marketing tactics of the cabbage conglomerate! 🥬🤣 Who knew Brussels sprouts were just little cabbages in disguise, trying to make a name for themselves in the vegetable world? Watch out for those sneaky marketing schemes next time you're strolling through the produce aisle! 😉🌱
There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.
Commentary:
🦈🚔 "Breaking news: Sharky McSharkface, the notorious underwater menace, has finally been apprehended! Looks like he won't be 'sea'ing the light of day for a while! 🦈⛓️ #SharkBehindBars"
Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.
Commentary:
"Behind every hilarious man, there's a woman perfecting her eye-roll game like a champ. 🙄😂 #EyeRollQueen #ComedyCoupleGoals"
I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.
Commentary:
I can only imagine the kids' reaction when they learned the truth! 🤯 It must have been like discovering your sandwich has a secret side of truffle fries – unexpected and totally amazing! 🍟🤵 Let's hope they gave "Mrs. Doubtfire" a five-star rating on their nanny app! 😉
Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.
Commentary:
🕵️♂️🎬 "Plot twist: Mission Impossible: Really Really Impossible Edition! Watch as Tom Cruise takes on the ultimate challenge – a mission so impossible, even Ethan Hunt himself is like 'Wait, what?!' 😱 Will he succeed or will he finally meet his match? Coming soon to theaters near you… or maybe not, because, you know, it's impossible." 🤣 #MissionImpLOLs
Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?
Commentary:
Haha! 🤔 "May contain nudity" – thanks for the heads-up, rating board, because I was totally prepared to watch a movie and play detective on the whole naked/not naked situation. 😂 Like, is this a surprise strip show or what? 🕵️♂️🔍 Just another day in the confusing world of movie ratings! 🎥🍿 #NakedIsJustANormalTuesday
Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.
Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"
Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.
Commentary:
"Looks like it was a ZOOM-out moment for your jokes! 😅 Who knew virtual laughter had such a high latency! 🤷♂️ Keep 'em coming though, maybe next time the Wi-Fi signal of humor will be stronger! 📡😂"