Commentary:
Sounds like this guy really doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to agreeing with his wife! 🙈🤣 It must be tough keeping score when you're running out of fingers to count on! 🤷♂️😂
30 Funny count quotes
Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.
Commentary:
"Who needs dumbbells when you have the sheer willpower to defy gravity and pry yourself from the cozy clutches of your bed every morning? 💪😴 #BedToBeast #MorningStruggles"
Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.
Commentary:
"Who knew fast food could be so sneaky? 🍔🍟 It's like saying 'out of sight, out of mind, out of waistline'! 😂 #CaloriesDisappearFasterThanDriveThruOrders"
Sure I collect antiques, if you count the late-century spices in my pantry.
Commentary:
Sure, I guess you could say my pantry is a treasure trove of antique seasonings! 🌶️🧂 Who needs vintage furniture when you have spice jars from the late 1900s? 😄 #SpiceUpYourLife #PantryAntiques
I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.
Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of pizza calories and midnight munchies 🕛🍕✨ Who knew our bodies had a built-in time-travel feature for guilt-free indulgence? Dietitians everywhere, probably."
The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.
Commentary:
"Ah, the magical transformative powers of liquid courage! 🍹✨ Here to help us all conquer social anxiety, one drink at a time. Bottoms up, introverts! 🥂😅 #CheersToNormalcy"
I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.
Commentary:
"Setting your personality on fire 🔥🔥🔥: not recommended for brightening up a room 🚒🤭 #firestarter"
Does running away from my problems count as cardio?
Commentary:
"Considering the speed at which you're running, I'd say yes, you're definitely getting in a solid cardio workout! 🏃♂️💨 Just make sure you're not outrunning your solutions too! 😜"
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic resistance training dilemma! 💪🏋️♂️ Who knew that avoiding the #gymlife could actually be a workout strategy in disguise? 🤔 Maybe we're onto something revolutionary here…or maybe just onto the couch. 🛋️😆"
I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.
Commentary:
Adding imaginary conquests to the resume now—my dream life is more exciting than my real one! 😂💤💔