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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Just landed via Threads:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

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323 Funny dating quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

6 hours ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Trending via Telegram:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Spotted on Threads:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Going viral on Threads:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Going viral on YouTube:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Shared recently on X:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

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